Nothing to lose. Everything to gain.
First off, I’m only giving you all this because I’ve gotten several comments, some private via email, some via the comments section, regarding this topic. I’m not one to really share my deepest feelings. Normally the shit ya’ll read is just pure randomness and opinions but nothing too serious or that I haven’t expressed before publicly.
But this right here is the realest shit I ever wrote like Pac. If you ain't ready, bounce because this is long, open love letter like Case lol.
This chick here, she’s my ex, she’s my heart and she knows it.
Ask anybody who knows me and they'll tell you she's "my type" whatever that means. I guess I do have a thing for lightskinned chicks with wavy hair.
She commonly compared our thing as “B and Jay” and we did have a lot of ghetto fab times. She’s a rider. Not really the type to hold the burner in her purse but, she’d always do it for me without complaining. A trooper because she took on a lot of weight without complaining…well she whined a little but not much and it was warranted. She was definitely my best friend and still a dear friend to this day.
She’s beautiful beyond comparison. Sexy. Nurturing. Caring. Sensitive. Honest. Smart. I could splash her with compliments all day.
In all honesty, I have never seen anything like her. Once, I looked into her eyes and saw God’s presence and it overwhelmed me. Nothing can compare.
She’s moved on with her life, got her degree, a new dude, a shorty, the whole nine. I’m happy for her because she’s getting almost everything she deserves and had the potential to achieve.
I moved on and f%$ked with some hoodboogers, smudbuckets, ladies and tramps. Still on my grind. I’m doing me, livin it like I always do.
But always, she’ll remain my heart.
Nobody’s, outside of maybe my parents and the like, ever made an impression on my life like this lady did.
She tells me she doesn’t “love” me anymore but she has “love” for me. I think it’s more of the former than she cares to admit but whatever. I know love is love because even when she rightfully hated me the most and I needed her, she came thru. And as of late, she's said and done too many things that lead me to think otherwise.
As well, she can't find another me. Ain't no other nigga like me. Well maybe in far east Africa but nobody has time to travel that far. So, she's better off being with me. The next man can spoil her, buy her things, cater to her, all that jazz. But he can't give her the best thing...me. Only I can give her that.
I constantly remind her, when we do get to talk, that I’m coming back one day to get her and I don’t care if I’m 86 years old. I feel like my destiny is to be sitting on a porch in a rocking chair just doing nothing but being with her.
Yeah, we both grew, learned, had our share of laughs and made our share of misgivings, me more so than her of course. Shit, I made huge mistakes lol. I guess it’s like dominoes though. I kept piling them on till eventually they fell.
Now, was I ready then?
[Whitney Houston voice] "Hell to da naw" [Whitney Houston voice]
Am I ready now?
Enh…sure. If not, why not?
I only have three regrets in life and don’t really give a f&%k about nothing else. She’s the biggest one.
But I do think about it sometimes. I picture me and God rapping sometimes because He knows I’ve prayed on it all. I see him asking me,
“Yo, I’ll give you her back for one day but after that, you gotta come with me. Deal?”
“That's it? One shot deal? I get one day and then I’m done?”
“Yep”
“Shit, run it”
Yep, I’d trade it all without thinking twice.
What would we do on that day?
Anything she wanted. Whatever it is will make me content because I’m with her.
When I listen to this cut, a thoro aggin like me turns emotional lol. I get that sugar lump in my throat. I get angry. I smile.
Bob Dylan - "If You See Her, Say Hello"
Regardless, this track always brings it back to the essence of our current standing.
At least until I’m 86.
